It is a little funny. I fear Velvet's rage more than anything in this moment. But I fear your disappointment nearly as much. How foolish you must think me, after everything you told me. After everything I agreed with.
And I did believe it. I want to live. More than anything. I want to go to the stars with you and Velvet. I want to work at the bar and watch Velvet work on her crafts and find some goddessdamned peace. But every person that dies here while I dawdle is more blood on my hands... and I am so tired of blood. I know it is ridiculous, thinking something like this can wash some of it off. I am a fool but I am not stupid, I know it's nothing in comparison. And that even if it was that such things do not matter. No scale, no balance I can maintain and finally sleep at night.
But if I can make sure you get to return to those stars... I have to try. I do not expect you to forgive me. Not after Alex and the others. But I pray... if one day we meet again, that you do not hate me.
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timeasmymeasure
Quark
Date: 2025-08-16 09:09 pm (UTC)And I did believe it. I want to live. More than anything. I want to go to the stars with you and Velvet. I want to work at the bar and watch Velvet work on her crafts and find some goddessdamned peace. But every person that dies here while I dawdle is more blood on my hands... and I am so tired of blood. I know it is ridiculous, thinking something like this can wash some of it off. I am a fool but I am not stupid, I know it's nothing in comparison. And that even if it was that such things do not matter. No scale, no balance I can maintain and finally sleep at night.
But if I can make sure you get to return to those stars... I have to try. I do not expect you to forgive me. Not after Alex and the others. But I pray... if one day we meet again, that you do not hate me.
Thank you again, for everything.
Ferdinand.